Spirit Tracks Derailed
by grovyleTheGreat
Summary: Okay, after serious consideration, I am writing a parody of spirit tracks, in which Link and Zelda are brother and sister. (Had to happen at some point...) together they conquer dungeons, stare into alternate realitys, reference whatever they want, and probably accidently cause Tetra and WW Links ghosts to appear.
1. story time

**Grovyle: Yo, Grovyle here. Today I'm here with Toonie Samas great great grandson, Prince Link. Yes, I did say prince...**

 **Prince Link: Who the flip is Toonie Sama...?**

 **Grovyle: you'll find out later...**

 **XXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks, Derailed**

 **Chapter one: Story Time**

 **XXXX**

A boy in green stood in the crows nest of a ship. He held a telescope in his left hand, his right hand being held by an incredibly beautiful pirate. It can be assumed that they liked each other.

The boy suddenly handed the telescope to the other pirate.

"Tetra... that island isn't on our charts... " He told her calmly. "Just look at the size of it!"

The pirate girl, Tetra put the telescope up to her eye. "Link... That's not a new island..."

The boy, Link sighed.

"It is an entirely new continent..."

The boys eyes widened. After searching so long, they had finally found it...

A new continent. A new kingdom. A new Hyrule.

"May I?" He asked.

Tetra rolled her eyes then smiled. "Sure... Knock yourself out."

"LAND HO!" The boy screamed, alerting everyone on the ship.

"Aye, Aye, Oni Chan!" A little girl in pigtails saluted, then ran to the wheel.

The girl in pigtails, assisted by a pirate in glasses, turned the wheel to face this new land.

An old woman walked out of the ships kichen with a huge pot of yellow soup.

"Boys and giiiiirrrrls!~" She sang. "I made lunch!~"

The big and tough pirate men ran up to her, gazing at the food like adorably sad puppies.

Link, Tetra, and Links little sister stayed at their stations.

"Kids, get it before the seagulls do!"

Link sighed, pulling out three bottles. "Fine... Coming Grandma!"

He grabbed their soup and passed it out.

...

About an hour had passed since noticing the island.

They were nearing the shore.

Link shoved the telescope carefully in his bag. Grabbing a rope, he slid down as if it was a pole on a playground. Tetra followed soon after.

"Alright Gonzo," The pirate girl ordered. "The anchor!"

"Aye, Aye, Princess!" The buff, tattooed pirate anwered and threw the anchor into the waves below.

Tetra nodded. A new land. A new kingdom. A new hyrule...

...

It took several years to finish Hyrule town, as well as its castle.

The children on the ship were now grown ups, and during that time, the royal family may have added a few members because of a certain proposal on the top of a tower next to the castle on a romantic evening. But, you could have probably guessed who proposed to who...

In total,

"one hundred years have passed since your great great grandparents founded the kingdom of Hyrule..." A woman, probably a queen, closed a book. "The end. Good night."

Two children around five sat on the edge of a bed. They definitely beared a resemblence to Tetra and link. There was no denying it.

"But Moooooom..." The little boy cried. "We can't go to bed... you didn't told us how-" He started counting on his tiny little fingers. "How gweat gweat gwumpy pa defeated Ganomdowk!"

The little girl nodded. "Yeah! What Wink said! Stowy time!"

The queen sighed. "okay, but you two need to get some sleep..."

Link and Zelda Junior sat quietly.

"Our tale begins two years before the voyage to a new land... On a small southern island called Outset... It was the home of a boy, who bears quite a resemblance to prince I know..."

"Yay, that's me!" Link junior grinned happily.

...

"And just when he was at a loss for what to do, the pirate girl, Tetra took him on her boat, to rescue Aryll..."

The children were sound asleep.

The queen sighed, picking them up and carrying them to their rooms.

She tucked them into bed and kissed them goodnight. "Sweet dreams..."

And she closed the door.

...

At age nine, the young prince decided that he would become a train engineer, so he set off to Aboda village, where he had lived with Old Man Niko, the last original founder of Hyrule, for three years.

This brings us to the present, where the prince sat, listening to the old mans 'Blaster peice'.

Or rather, slept on the floor while the 119 year old (I believe that's his age now...) Still yacked on. Prince Link probably wouldn't have fallen asleep if there was a tiny bit of romance, but Niko had no idea how to tell those kinds of stories...

"Link!" Niko stood, tapping his left foot. "Did you fall asleep during my Magnum opus?"

The prince slowly sat up, still in a daze from his nap.

"Link, are you even listening?"

The prince flopped back on the ground, being the lazy bum he is.

"Okay, okay, I can take a hint..." Niko shook his head.

There was a loud pounding at the door.

Niko nodded. "I believe your mentor's here..."

A large, muscley man walked in. just like his great grandfather, he had a swirly tattoo on his chest.

"Heeeeey Alfonzo!" Niko waved.

Alfonso rolled his eyes. "Heey... Uncle Niko..."

Of course, Niko wasn't actually his uncle... he just acted like it...

Alfonso turned his attention to the laziest prince in hyrule.

"Prince... Why are you still here..."

Link moaned then rolled over in his sleep.

"Come on, wipe the sleep out of your eyes..."

"Five more minutes, mom..." He mumbled.

Alfonso rolled his eyes. He picked up the worlds laziest prince, and shook him lik a rag doll.

"WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!"

The prince was finally awake, but completely dizzy.

"Don't tell me you forgot what day it is..."

Link crossed his arms. "Do tell."

He dropped the prince. "You won't amount to much if you don't pay attention..."

"Barbarian..." The boy muttered, standing up, and dusting off his royal pants.

Alfonso sighed. Then popped the royal space bubble. "Don't you wand your engineer certificate?"

Link nodded, though he was still in a huff about his royal space bubble.

"The ceremony's at the castle... and your sister is doing the honors..."

Links eyes widened. He had totally forgotten...

This would be the first time he saw his pirate obsessed sister in three years... He couldn't wait to see the look on that Tomboys face when he walked in, all officially graduated. The youngest train engineer in the kingdom. maybe once he got his certificate, he could go to Papuchia village, get noticed by a beautiful girl...

"LINK!" Alfonzo huffed.

"...I should report you for treson..." The prince sighed.

"Not now link..." Alfonso crossed his arms.

"Unless you give me a piggie back ride the whole way to my train..."

And thus, riding atop the shoulders of Alfonzo, he was off.

Little did the train engineer know, his life was about to get totally derailed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Grovyle: *sigh* Fine... this is Toonie Sama...

Toonie Sama: I was a pirate!

Prince link: So... He was the Link who founded hyrule...

Grovyle and Toonie Sama: It's Toonie Sama, get it right!

Prince Link: Peasant...

Toonie Sama: I was the first king of this kingdom...

Grovyle: *Gasp of the french variety* He's done what no link has done before!

Prince Link: What, found a kingdom?

Grovyle: Eh... No. HE MARRIED ZELDA!

*A farm girl, a few sages, several princess, a subrosian, Marin, Medli, the fairy queen, Mila, Din, Nayru, Fayore, Fan Girls, Mary Sues, Gary Stus, Romani, a few fairies, Fi, Girahim, and Viridi attack a pirate*

Gold Wolf: Jeez, all this over a mans marrige decision...

Prince Link: Great great granny ma!

Grovyle: Don't worry, she's protected by the plot line...


	2. evil leprechauns

**Grovyle: Grovyle here, with Prince Link and Toonie Sama.**

 **Prince Link: That is my title, yes.**

 **Toonie Sama: I was the king of the pirates!**

 **Pirate princess: I'm here too...**

 **Princess Zelda: What about me...**

 **Grovyle:... Fine... they're here too**

 **Aryll: Oni Chan~**

 **Grovyle: Let me type, people! Or I will put in an O.C., make her Arylls great great grandchild, and she will be an antagonist!**

 **Toonie Sama: Arylls too sweet to do that... *Holds Aryll protectively***

 **Grovyle: Her great great grandchild isn't!**

 ***An evil looking half rito, half hylian walks in***

 ***Everyone hides***

 **Toonie Sama: OH THE NON CANNONESS! *faints***

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter Two: Evil Leprechauns**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Prince Link found Alfonzo bringing out his train, in its beautiful, wooden glory.

The princes nose wrinkled as he saw something on the side of the train.

"What's this?" He pointed to a large cross between seagull poodoo and spray paint.

"Another attack from the Seagull Revolution mastermind" Alfonzo sighed. "That cousin of yours doesn't know when to quit, does she..."

The prince crossed his arms, surveying the rest of Aboda.

Seagull poo was everywhere...

This was definitely a coordinated attack. Definitely the work of Tori...

He sighed, hopping on the train, saluting, and blowing the whistle.

"All aboooooord!"

And so, Link took the controls.

256 seconds remain...

"THERE IS A GIANT PIG COW ON THE TRACKS!" Alfonzo screamed like a girl.

Link wasn't sure weather it was a pig or a cow. could have been both... But he blew the whistle, scaring it off.

235 seconds remain...

A dove flew by, as a strange, three note melody played on a gold harp.

The princes eyes widened. The dove was one of the minions of Shi No Tori... Usually right behind them were...

"SEAGULLS!" Link gasped. He watched a Rito, well a half Rito flying above. There was Tori...

The seagulls swarmed the train in a frenzy, breaking all the windows in sight.

"FULL SPEED, YOUR HIGHNESS!

The prince nodded, pushing a lever up.

A seagull dropping landed on the boys shirt. "NOOO! MY ROYAL TRAIN ENGINEER OUTFIT!"

189 seconds remained...

"Did we lose her?" Link asked, covered in seagull droppings. He quite honestly didn't care anymore.

Alfonzo sighed. "There are three spare uniforms under one of the seats in the passenger car..." He walked to the control panel. "You go change, I'll take over..."

134 seconds remained...

Link walked out in a cleaner engineer outfit.

He was ready to see the princess... If he were to wear that silly seagull soiled outfit, there was no doubt that his sister would use that for blackmail...

120 seconds remained...

"Hey, Alfonso?" Link asked.

"Yes, your highness?" Alfonzo replied, dryly.

"Why do the other trains here just circle around several times?"

Alfonzo crossed his arms. "Well, I'm not sure... Maybe in an alternate reality I hired them, but I'm not that sure..."

113 seconds remained...

"Would you look at the tower of spirits..." Alfonzo gazed. "Really pretty this time of year..."

Link nodded. He remembered the tower from one of his mothers stories. He assumed that the view from the top would be quite a romantic place for a date, as that was where his great great gran-

"LINK! GET OUT OF YOUR DAYDREAMS! WE'RE ABOUT TO MISS-"

Link pulled the lever on the gearbox just in the nick of time, perfectly stopping at the castles station.

"...The Castle..."

Link smiled, hopping off the train.

"Bye Alfonzo." He raced away in a royal sort of way. Here he was, coming back to his castle.

He wondered if Zelda still liked to face off against the gaurds in battle with her great great grandmothers cutless. Or if his room was still there. Did the guard captain still steal cookies when the castle cook, Impa, wasn't looking? Did mom still tell stories about the kingdoms legends, the founders, or the ancient hero from long before the hero of winds time? Did Zelda still pick her nose like she did when she was five?

Link didn't see where he was going and bumped into a commoner.

"Hey Lil' dude." The commoner waved. He had no idea he was adressing the prince of Hyrule. "Do you know how the rails got here?"

Link sighed. This peasent was an idiot... He would have to teach him basic knowledge. "It was the spirits of good."

The commoner raised an eyebrow. "That's just a childrens story..."

Link picked up the closest pot and threw it... below the belt...

The commoner toppled, making a high pitched noise.

"SHUN THE NONBELIEVER!"

Alfonzo made a face that told the prince that he did not approve...

Link ran into the castle gates, hoping that no one else had seen the prince do something so evil...

...

"I AM THE PRINCE OF HYRULE, AND I DEMAND YOU LET ME IN!" Link yelled loudly.

"Get lost kid..." The royal guard said coldly.

"IT IS MY GRADUATION CEREMONY AND I DEMAND TO BE LET IN!" The prince huffed.

"Hmph. Why didn't you just say so..." The two guards walked out of the way.

Link marched into his castle, as if he was the king of Hyrule.

"Ah, Prince Link!" The guard blocking the stairs gasped. "So good of you to come."

The prince nodded. "Let me pass..."

"Yes. Let the boy pass..."

An incredibly short man in green walked to the right. He had orange hair and two hats on.

"Where did the leprechaun come from?" Link asked.

"I-I am not a leprechaun..." The leprechaun retorted with an Irish and Scottish accent. "Anyway, follow me. throne room's this way..."

Link followed the leprechaun, even though he knew where he was going.

He looked up at the stained glass to see his great great grand parents. The founders of the kingdom. Tetra and the hero of winds. Both living forever in the glass.

He then bowed down as his sister walked by. He didn't have to, but since no one could seem to remember who their prince was, he may as well go with it.

Wait, was Zelda wearing a dress...? This wasn't a normal. Link looked up to her face.  
Was she wearing makeup?!

"My wind gods, Zelda, you've turned into a girl!" Link blurted out.

This earned him... the royal backhand.

"Ill-mannered urchin!" Link wasn't sure weather the leprechaun had meant him or Zelda.

"I was kidding sis, JEEEEZ..." He rubbed his red cheeks, about to cry. "That stiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnggggs..."

Zelda crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently.

After waiting on the prince to stop crying, and finished up the ceremony.

Right before it ended. Zelda handed a small letter to her brother.

"Shh. Read this later, and beware the Chanc-"

"Leprechaun." Link corrected.

"Whatever..." Zelda crossed her arms.

And with that, she walked off.

"Go polish your train or something, Mah boi!" The leprechaun said, a evil smile, complete with sharp teeth and fangs. He then walked off in a different direction...

"EEEEEEEEEKKKK!" The prince screamed like a girl. "THAT'S AN EEEEVIIIIIILLLLLLL LEPRECHAUN!"

He then ran all the way to the train station crying.

"ALFONZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He hugged the mans leg. "There... There's an... an evil l...leprechaun in... in the castle!"

Alfonzo sighed, petting the princes hair. "Why are you here then, go slay it..."

"I... I... I don't wan't him to take my lucky charms!" The prince cried.

Alfonzo rolled his eyes. "The royal lucky charms are at Nikos place... The evil leprechaun won't hurt them..."

Link nodded, wiping the tears off with his royal hankie. He would slay the evil leprechaun... Right after he read the letter from his sister...

...Meanwhile...

The entirety of Aboda was yet again covered in seagull droppings

The half rito looked at the large box in question.

"I wonder... what does Cole want with these so badly..." She asked the dove that landed on her shoulder.

She nodded. "Yeah... you might be right... This leprechaun cosplaying might have gone to his head..."

In her hands was the royal lucky charms...

"Ah well... the boss had a handsome reward for these for some reason..." She slipped the box into her bag.

Tori flapped her golden wings, and flew off towards the top of the tower of spirits.

 **XXXXXX**

 **Prince Link: WERE THOSE THE ROYAL LUCKY CHARMS?!**

 **Grovyle: It was a joke... he looks like a friggin leprechaun... Tons of people probably wanted to do this...**

 **Toonie Sama: That evil bird is my baby sisters decendant?! *Holds Aryll protectively* STAY BACK, NON CANNON HEATHEN!**

 **Tori: Why am I even here?**

 **Grovyle: Well, see... Tori's here because she was based heavily on Aryll...**

 **Toonie Sama: THAT BEAST IS NOTHING LIKE MY BABY SISTER! *Holds Aryll protectively***

 **Grovyle: From a parody by Cherry Sama. Called totally bizzare.**

 **Prince Link: ALFONZOOOOOOOOOOO! THE EVIL LEPRECHAUN HAS MEH LUCKY CHARMS!**


	3. Engineers need equal rights

**Grovyle: Hey there, guess what?**

 **Toonie Sama: YOU UPDATE TOO EARLY!**

 **Grovyle: It's only... been a few hours... it's... not that early...**

 **Pirate Princess: Go update Blind Sight!**

 **Grovyle: B...but...**

 **Prince Link: The longer you keep not procrastinating, the less I have time to eat, use the bathroom, and sleep...**

 **Grovyle: Come on... Loosen up...**

 **Princess Zelda: Yeah, I agree with grovyle on this one...**

 **Grovyle: I'm going to have fun writing Zelda torturing you, your highness...**

 **Aryll: Oni Chan, what's a twerk? *asks innocently***

 **Toonie Sama: *Holds Aryll protectively* WHO TOLD HER ABOUT THIS...**

 **Tori: *Smirks***

 **Toonie Sama: IT WAS YOU... *drops Aryll, and pulls out both the master sword and the phantom sword* THIS WILL BE SATISFYING...**

 **Grovyle: Wow... *in shock* He snapped... he... He completely snapped...**

 **Aryll: It's a good thing she's protected by the plotline...**

 **Grovyle: *Covering Arylls eyes* Yeah... that doesn't make it much better for viewers...**

 **(A friend asked me how to make the hero of winds completely snap. Now everyone knows...)**

 **Prince Link: Also, because grovyle didn't say it properly. Shi No Tori was inspired by Aryll from Totally Bizzare, a fanfiction written by Cherry-Sama and if I'm correct, her sister as well**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter Three: Engineers need equal rights**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Link raced back into the castle. if he remembered correctly, the door on the right leads straight to the sparring hall. That's where Captain Alfonzo... No... It would be someone new this time. Alfonzo had become one of the princes many babysitters. The last two were publicly executed for... various reasons. The first one was declared cliniclly insane, because he thought he was a forest fairy (TINGLE IS DEAD! REJOICE!) and the second had given the prince a spanking, for burning down the kichen. (He swears it was an accident!)

He wondered who the new captain would be. James T, Kirk? No, he retired a couple years back? Maybe Joynas? No... She quit to start a popular game... What was it called, Take 'Em All On? What about Captain America?

"Okay Link, You need to stop joking around..." The prince sighed.

Link counted off several names of men and women, untill he realized that this left one person with the qualifications to become the captain of the guards...

Jimmy R. Russel... The most annoying uncle anyone could ask for...

Link walked in, and braced for the worst...

He looked at the ground, not wanting to look into the eyes of the blond.

"Hey, umm... Look..." The prince started. "Hey uncle, there's an evil leprechaun and it's probably... Stealing rainbows and magic and stuff I guess?"

The blond bearded man laughed as if he was from the 16th century.

"Do tell, jolly good fellow, do tell!"

Link sighed. His uncle had become an avid L.A.R.P.-er since he had left... Juuuust greeeeaaat...

"I'm serious, uncle!" Link tried to explain. "He's evil, he has sharp teeth, and his eyes are demonic!"

"Sir, I am afraid that I do not fully comprehend your sense of humor..."

Link threw his hands in the air out of annoyance. "UUUUUUUUUGHGGGHHHH!"

In their conversation, Link managed to ask for a sword to fight off the evil leprechaun.

The response, however, was...

"Hahaha! You, sir, are but a lowly train engineer! It is simply not your place to hold a sword."

Link growled in a very un-princely manner. The phantom sword, the one that belonged to hero of winds was probably still in his room. Maybe he could grab it, slay the leprechaun, clean it off, put it back, blame the death of the chancellor on the cuccos from Toris army, and then go see what his sister wanted.

He stormed off to the left cooridoor, only to find...

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE SPIRITS OF GOOD HAPPENED TO MY ROOM!?"

A knight was drinking coffee, while two others were playing chess.

The one with a coffee mug glanced at him. "It's the break room now, kid."

"Listen here, I am the prince, this is my room, AND I ORDER YOU TO GET OUT!"

The knights just laughed. "And what's a train engineer like yourself going to do about it?"

"I AM THE LITERAL HEIR TO THE THRONE, well... second in line... but that's beside the point... " Links voice seemed to quiet down.

He really didn't like mentioning that Zelda was the older one of them. They were technically twins, but that didn't change the fact that Link was second in line. He'd have to wait for some 'unfortunate accident' to happen to Zelda before he could rule. (...heavy foreshadowing...)

Link was silent for a few seconds. "Umm... Listen, I just need to borrow the phantom sword..." He sighed.

"Why does a train engineer like yourself need that?" The off duty knight asked. "I mean, engineers aren't supposed to carry weponry..."

"Look..." The prince explained. "There is an evil le-"

Link realized he would probably get the same response as he did with Russel.

"...Chancellor Cole is apparently working with Shi No Tori, Hyrules enemy." He lied, having no idea how right he was. "And Zelda had sent me to get the phantom sword for his execution."

The knight nodded. "Well, okay prince, If you say so..."

The knight grabbed the unusually large sword, and put it in the hands of the youngster.

"Be careful though, It's pretty old..." The knight advised.

The sword floated, spinning slowly above his head. Link didn't know why it did that. It just happened. He wondered if it had something to do with having parts of the triforce, but soon dismissed it, because everyone did that when they got a present of some sort. Hylians, huh?

Now holding the blade, it had come to Links attention that the thing was still bigger than him... And if he remembered correctly, the Hero who weilded it was a midget as well. How was he able to carry it around? Come to think of it, how did he carry any of his supplies around... It was a mystery...

Link thanked the off duty knight, and ran out of what was once his room.

He was going to save hyrule from the...

"Where's the evil leprechaun..." Link asked out loud.

He didn't expect an answer.

"I-If you mean Chancellor Cole... I saw 'im heading towards the Tower of Spirits..."

"What?" Link asked.

A new recruit stood behind him.

"But the path... is off limits to a mere train engineer..."

"W-why..." Link whined so unprincelike.

The new recruit crossed her arms. "Cause, reasons..."

"Raisins...?" Link asked curiously.

"...I said REA-SONS!" She yelled, trying to make her voice more clear.

Link understood what the girl meant to say. "What kind of reasons?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. Cap'n don't tell us nuthin."

Link would have to have a word with uncle Russle about keeping new recruits informed, in all areas. The biggest one being that Link was the prince, then came why something is not allowed.

"Whatever..." The prince crossed his arms. "I'm just going to open this letter and see what big sis wants..."

The new recruit started making a comical siren noise. "THAT'S ILLEGAL TO DO IF YOU'RE AN ENGINEER!"

Link put the letter back and huffed.

Everything in the kingdom was apparently off limits to engineers.

He left, grumbling words that were very unprincely.

"It...it was just a joke..." She sighed. "Princess Zelda told us to give you a hard time..."

Link did not hear the last part, as he was too busy thinking about starting an Engineers Equal Rights Movement.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: Okay, I understand you're mad...**

 **Tori: HE TRIED TO KILL ME!**

 **Grovyle: You... Shouln't have told his sister its real name...**

 **Tori: WHAT ELSE COULD I HAVE CALLED IT?!**

 **Grovyle: The wess dance. Then at least one reviewer would understand and realize a 2006 video game predicted the future.**

 **Tori: EXPLAIN THIS!**

 **Grovyle: *Pulls up the Wess Dance from Mother 3***

 **Tori: *Nods* I see your point...**

 **Prince Link: Guys, I need your help to start an Engineers Equal Rights Movement...**

 **Princess Zelda: It was just a joke...**

 **Pirate Princess: Zelda... Stop being mean to the little guy...**

 **Aryll: Where's Oni Chan?**

 **Grovyle: *laughs hesitantly***

 ***Meanwhile***

 **Toonie Sama: Where... Am I...**

 ***A crowd of all the Zeldas stare blankly***

 **Toonie Sama: Umm... Hello...? I'm sorta... Lost...**

 **Zelda the first: *small Squealing noises***

 **Lttp Zelda: AWWWWW~**

 **Marin: Look at his HUUUUUUUUUGE EYES!**

 **OOS/OOA Zelda: HE'S SO CHIBI!**

 **SS Zelda: Can I hold him?**

 **Toonie Sama: Nope nope nope nope *Runs and trips***

 **TP Zelda: He has the cutest little ears!**

 **CD-I Zelda: You've got to be kidding me... *Standing in safe zone***

 **(Lol, This comment sums up everything in this story)**

 **Toonie Sama: My thoughts exactly, non cannon Zelda... *Hiding in a safe zone***

 **Tetra: Found him... *Takes Toonie Sama back to authoress realm***

 **Aryll: Where were you, Oni Chan!**

 **Toonie Sama: You... You don't want to know...**


	4. Princess Link

**Grovyle: *Dodging chairs* I'll update blind sight, I swear!**

 **Prince Link: Swearing is wrong! *Throws chair***

 **Pirate princess: *Eating popcorn in a beach chair watching* Popcorn?**

 **Toonie Sama: *Sipping lemonade* Yes please!**

 **Aryll: Oni Chan~**

 **Toonie Sama: *Accidently spills lemonade* Aryll... *starts to cry***

 **Tori: Well this is out of character...**

 **Princess Zelda: You have NO idea... *Texting on a pink phone***

 **XXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter Four: Princess Link**

 **XXXXXXXXXXX**

Link was sick of everyone saying everything was off limits to engineers.

Everything was fine until he reentered the castle, which was now, due to the king and queen visiting an island called Outset to discuss a treaty, in complete control of Princess... Zel...da...

It was all a joke, a prank meant to piss off the prince.

AND NO ONE TRYS TO PISS OFF A PRINCE...

Link stomped through a secret path to Zeldas room, one he knew about, since Zelda always snuck out of the castle that way, to give her a piece of his mind.

A peice of his itty bitty little mind...

His teensy weensy tiny brain...

His-

"I swear, I feel as if someone is trying to insult my intelligence..." Link grumbled.

He walked into a large and fancy looking room.

A pan flute was being played quite beautifully. Wait, wasn't that the Spirit Flute.

Link remembered the pan flute belonging to their great great grandmother, but he tried to play it one day and shattered everyones eardrums. Somehow. He was never allowed to touch it for the rest of his life. Zelda, on the other hand, seemed like she was good at playing it.

Zelda was no longer in that dress, but instead a very familiar looking pirate costume, her hair in a swirly bun. She must have been bribed to wear the dress earlier. It was pink for crying out loud! The Zelda Link knew hated pink with a passion for one reason or another.

"Oh, hey Link." Zelda smiled innocently. "I guess you read my letter then!"

Link tilted his head in confusion. "wait, the plot demands me to come here?!"

Zelda nodded. "Anyway, I have a HUUUUUUUGE favor to ask you."

Link forgot why he had come here in the first place, and agreed to help his sister.

"You know how the Tower of Spirits has protected our kingdom for ages?"

Link scowled. "Our kingdom has only been here for a hundred years, I wouldn't call that ages..."

"But the spirit tracks connecting to the tower have been vanishing for some reason..."

"Uh huh..." Link was writing down Zeldas monolouge on a small notepad.

"I want to investigate, but Chan-"

"Leprechaun..." Link interjected.

"Fine. The _leprechaun_ won't let me leave the castle..."

"Couldn't you just, I dunno, ninja your way out as usual?" Link asked.

"I... never really can get passed the last two gaurds..." She admitted.

Link nodded. "Seems legit."

"Anyway, I was wondering if you could distract the guards for a while so I can get out of here. Then I'll meet you at your train, and then we'll go investigate the Tower of Spirits together."

"Question!" Link raised his hand. "Why would we take a train if the Spirit Tracks are disappearing?"

"Cause horses are out dated, cars haven't been invented yet, my only shoes are high heels, and I know you'd have the floor of the train clean enough to walk on barefoot."

The prince nodded. "So, what kind of distraction would you like me to pull off?"

...

"I cannot BELIEVE I agreed to this..." Link stood, wearing high heels and that unsightly pink dress. The princess had put in a ton of hair extentions in his hair, as well as a crown. He looked EXACTLY like his sister did earlier at his graduation ceremony.

"Aww~" Zelda cooed. "Isn't this precious! You'll be the most beautiful one at the ball!"

"Shut... Up..." Link grumbled.

...

"So... Just to make sure I'm not forgetting anything..." Link said casually, "What's the plan?"

Zelda sighed. "Okay, I'll sneak past the first few gaurds. You follow my lead."

Princess Link followed the pirate clothed Zelda through the first few gaurds.

"See that one?" Zelda pointed at a fat looking gaurd. "He's the one. You know what to do..."

And so, apon hearing this, Princess Link ran in front of the gaurd.

He started screaming like a girl and made his voice unusually girly. "Mister, mister!" He screamed.

The gaurd sighed. "What now, Zelda..."

"There... there's a... um..." Link had forgotten his line. His cheeks turned red with embarassment.

"There's a what?" The gaurd asked.

"A...a...A RAT!" Link managed to squeak. "A HORRIBLE, NASTY RAT!"

"Where is the rat..." The gaurd rolled his eyes.

"It's... IT'S..." Link was improvising at this point. "I... I saw it scurry underneath my desk!"

The gaurd grabbed 'Zeldas' hand as 'she' lead him back to 'her' room.

Fortunately enough, the real Zelda just so happened to have a pet rat that roamed freely. The guard exterminated it and left.

Once the gaurd was gone, Link quickly hid the dress and changed into a recruit uniform that Zelda had put under a couch cushion.

By the time Link had finished up his business, the real Zelda had made her way to the train station.

Link would have to meet up with her there.

...

Meanwhile... On a boat ride to Outset...

The king and queen of hyrule were wearing flippie floppies and sunglasses.

They were rocking out to I'm On A Boat, The clean version. Volume was up full blast.

...

Elsewhere...

Tori gazed at the stars coming out. It was almost night time. She pulled out her harp, playing three notes.

An owl landed on her arm. It had a large pack of saltine crackers in its beak.

"Aww~" Tori stroked the owls feathers. "You big sweetie!"

The owl hooted.

"So this was a bonus for extra work, huh?" She asked. "Cole must be feeling generous..."

The owl hooted once more.

"No, He's not a real leprechaun!"

(Birds are apparently paid in crackers... Who knew?)

 **XXXXX**

 **Grovyle: How many of us would have paid to see Link in a princess dress?**

 ***Many people raise their hands***

 **Grovyle: *Sigh* This was a sign I play triforce heroes,(download play) Too much.**

 **Toonie Sama: Look at us, we're like twins now! *Hugs Prince Link***

 **Pirate Princess: Same here *Hugs Princess Zelda***

 **Aryll: Which one is Oni Chan?**

 **Tori: Like I care...**


	5. Stupidity ruins the plot

**Grovyle: Hey everyone...**

 **Toonie Sama: What happened to you...**

 **Grovyle: Band Camp...**

 **Prince Link: That's a lot of sunburns... and sun poisoning...**

 **Princess Zelda: This is why you wear sunscreen, people.**

 **Aryll and Tori: *Hug grovyle***

 **Grovyle: *quiet whimpering sounds***

 **Pirate Princess: YES! SHE'S JOINED ME IN THE NO SUNSCREEN CLUB!**

 **Grovyle: *Screams from the two touching sunburns***

 **Toonie Sama: I'll... go get a few burn heals... Stupid grovyle...**

 **Prince Link: I'm no pokemon master... but I think those burns are super effective...**

 **Random new recruit: This one time, at band camp... *Gets crushed with a sousaphone***

 **Tetra: ...That phrase is definately cursed...**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter five: Stupidity ruins the plot**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Zelda was waiting near the train station for Link to hurry up.

When he did arrive, Alfonzo had finished cleaning the train up from its seagull experience earlier that day.

"Milord," Alfonzo grumbled. "Did you seriously take that long just to change into-"

He then realized just what he was wearing. "Wow... You look... Like this kid in one of Nikos pictograph albums... Totally outdated if you ask me..."

Zelda walked right behind Link.

"Oh! TETRA!" Grovyle then realized that Alfonzo was not Gonzo and had no idea who Tetra was. "Sorry, I mean Zelda!"

Zelda, who was dressed like Tetra, waved. "`Ello, guv'na!"

"...What is a guv'na...?" Alfonzo, who looked sorta like Gonzo asked.

"I... think it's a type of fruit..." Link, who had an uncanny resemblance to Link answered.

"No, that would be a guava..." Zelda facepalmed.

"Any way..." Zelda changed the subject. "It's been so quiet since you left the castle gaurd..."

Alfonzo nodded. "Well... someone needs to keep an eye on-" He picked up Link, who fell face first onto the train tracks. "This royal MORON..."

"Train tracks are sparkly..." Link kept staring intently at the tracks.

Alfonzo sighed. "See... One minute he's competent, the next he's distracted by something and..." Alfonzo sighed. "Where is your escort, Zelda..."

"Umm..." Zelda thought out loud.

"Are you responsible for this somehow, Milord?"

Link was asleep on the mans leg, as if he was still five or something.

Alfonzo rolled his eyes and proceeded with his waking up the prince routine, as seen in chapter one.

Zelda crossed her arms. "I actually asked for his assistance. He's got a train, I need to get to the tower of spirits... It seemed like it would work out."

Alfonzo tilted his head. "Tower of Spirits, eh? I'll go grab my stuff!"

Zelda pulled a CD-I. "There's no time, your sword is enough."

Alfonzo stuck out his bottom lip. "But... But my stuff's right here..."

"There's NO time, YOUR SWORD IS ENOUGH!"

"Y- yes princess..."

And so, the three, once Link was out of his sleepy daze, boarded the train.

"AAAAALLLLLLL ABOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRD!" Zelda called.

"That's my line..." Alfonzo pouted.

And so... five minutes passed...

Link was driving his little royal choo choo train, feeling super special, when suddenly...

"SPIRITS OF GOOD!" Link screamed, The spirit tracks had disappeared right below him, causing Link to hit grass with his royal heiney.

"WHY DID I EVER GIVE YOU AN ENGINEERING CERTIFICATE?!" Zelda screamed, walking out of the passenger car, barefoot.

"It's not my fault this time, I swear." Link looked as if he was about to cry. "The spirit tracks... They ju-just disa-"

By this time, Link was bawling over being unable to use his train. There was also something about some unicorn named Bob stealing his sandwhich, but that's not important...

"Princess, look!" Alfonzo pointed in an undefined direction at the Tower of Spirits.

A dark cloud was surrounding it. Odd... It didn't seem like a normal...

"If that's not a hint that something bad will happen, I honstly don't know what is..." Zelda sighed.

The purple cloud spiraled around the tower and broke it. It also broke gravity. I mean, how do parts of a tower just float around...

Link screamed like a girl. "How about that?!"

The somewhat evil purple cloud of doom turned black. The most evil shade of black...

A large crystal looking train drove out of the most evil looking cloud. It had a face on it!

"Wow, It's shiny..." Link oogled. "Evil, sure, but it's shiny..."

It was apparent that, in the words of a little sibling, Link was 'Attention Deficit- Ooh Shiny!'

"LINK, ZELDA! DUCK!" Alfonzo bellowed.

"Umm... quack?" Link asked. he had a duck bill taped to his nose.

Zelda facepalmed.

They all eventually ducked as the train ran above them. The train disappeared into the horizon or something.

Zelda looked quite enthusiastic about a train driving above them, while link looked like he had wet his pants. (Actually happens in the game)

"Out for a leisurely stroll, your highness...Plural...?" An Irish voice asked, "Tsk, tsk. You know that's not allowed,"

"EVIL LEPRECHAUN!" Link screamed.

"Chancellor Cole?" Zelda guessed

"Wait, you actually know that minor characters name?!" Alfonzo asked the princess.

"I-I'm not a minor character..." The leprechaun sniffed. "I'm not..."

Alfonzo was holding a large and heavy cutless. We have no idea when he actually started carrying it... Actually, he had it the whole time. It was just invisible to mere mortals for the time being...

The evil train steam spewed out of the evil leprechaun, knocking off his two hats. This revealed two Lightning Demon Goat Horns.

Link made a gasp of the french variety. "He's not just an evil leprechaun! He's an Evil Lightning Leprechaun Goat Demon!"

The ELLGD started to cry. "No I'm not..." He began sobbing next. "You... you have no idea how hard it is to pretend to be human..."

"It's really not..." Link shook his head. "None of us are human... We're all hylian... to some extent..."

A pretty good looking warrior, who was probably half machine, walked over with a familiar menace to society perched on his shoulder.

"The talking bird girl is my friend." He said in monotone.

"Why is Tori here?" Link blinked.

Tori pulled out a harp, played a three note melody, and cuccos destroyed links train. Nothing was left...

(So thaaaaaaaaat's where it went...)

"Cuccos are such majestic creatures..." The warrior let one eat corn from his hand.

"Who knew that Chancellor... was just another word for royal babysitter?!"

The Prince of Hyrule was too busy grieving over his Choo Choo to listen.

"It's really not." Alfonzo pointed it out.

He was ignored, because he was a minor character.

"I was going to keep up the act a bit longer..." The Leprechaun crossed his arms. "But you, your highness, the strong one, not the pretty one, left me no choice..."

It was apparent that Zelda was the strong one, and Link was the pretty one.

"Bringing in the boy, and the engineer didn't help either.

"I'm the engineer, so does that also make Alfonzo the boy...?" The pretty one asked.

Alfonzo was crying in the corner of where the train used to be, about being grown up.

Zelda took the phantom sword from link and started cutting all the grass in hyrule.

"...You guys aren't listening to the plot, are you?"

 **XXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: Holy cow, I just realized something!**

 **Toonie Sama: What?**

 **Grovyle: Your decendant was the only one of two educated links who actually FINISHED his education!**

 ***Riots have started***

 **Toonie Sama: But he's still not as smart as me?**

 **Princess Zelda: Wait, great great grandpa didn't get an education?**

 **Prince Link: I am technically the smartest link, then...**

 **Grovyle: well, Toonie Sama probably had that brainiac on Outset to teach him everything he knew... and then Orca...**

 **Pirate Princess: OOT had the Know it all brothers, OOS/OOA Had the birds or something, TP had Midna...**

 **Grovyle: You know, I'm supposed to kill off one of the royal twins, this time I have a choice of which one!**

 **Prince Link: *Scared***

 **Princess Zelda: Please don't kill me off...**


	6. I see dead people

**Grovyle: Guys, I'm sorry, but we have to finish the cutscene.**

 **Prince Link: What happened to your wrist?**

 **Grovyle: It's... a long story...**

 **Tori: She played with a color guard flag without the gaurd gloves.**

 **Grovyle:... Are you... Stalking me?!**

 **Tori: Nah, A little birdie told me.**

 **Aryll: *Playing drums***

 ***Badum tss***

 **Princess Zelda: Isn't school starting soon, grovyle?**

 **Toonie Sama: Look what I found! *holds up a saxaphone***

 **Pirate princess: *Walks in* Hey, has anyone seen my sax-**

 **Toonie Sama: *Laughs hesitantly***

 **Pirate princess: You little... *Starts chasing Toonie Sama***

 **Toonie Sama: *Runs away, playing a comical tune on the saxaphone***

 **Grovyle: Huh... Yackety Sax... Didn't know he knew that...**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit tracks Derailed.**

 **Chapter six: I see dead people**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"But now the spirit tracks are gone... And the time is at hand." The evil lightning leprechaun goat demon smiled as an old irish music stated playing. "All we need is a little help from you, your highness!"

The leprechaun started doing the dance of his people.

Link gasped and hid behind Alfonzo.

Zelda held the phantom sword, pointing it at Cole. "You don't know how long I've waited for this..."

She then proceeded to take Alfonzos epic cutscene.

The leprechaun had stopped dancing to make a laugh of the Peridot variety. (Steven Universe, anyone?) "How gallant, how brave, how... OH MY GOD COMPLETELY TERRIFYING!"

Tori perched herself on a large tree branch.

The bird loving warrior stepped foreward.

"Thank you, Bryan." The leprechaun said.

"HIS NAME'S BYRNE!" Tori yelled from the distance.

"You frightened my bird friend..." He said to Zelda in a monotone voice.

Zelda swung the giant sword at the man, who blocked with his machine arm.

"I will not tolerate you being taller than me!"

"And you frightened my bird friend!"

During the fight, somehow, Zelda hid behind Alfonzo, and Alfonzo was thrown into the pile of train wreckage, getting the rest of his cutscene all to himself.

"Good job, Bryan. Here's a gold star." The leprechaun handed the warrior a shiny sticker.

"HIS NAME'S BYRNE!" The bird girl yelled.

Zelda again, looked quite content, while Link looked like he had wet his pants, err... tights I guess... (Actually happened in the game)

Byrne looked to Cole. (Burn and Coal! I Just realized! Train puns FTW!)

"Umm... Which one do we want?" He asked. "They're both royal, right?"

The leprechaun thought for a second, then pointed directly at Link... "The pretty one..."

Byrne nodded. "Go Cole, use Energy Ball!"

"Leprechaun, leprechaun!" Cole started acting like a pokemon as a blast of energy came out of his hands.

Link braced for impact of the strange blast from Cole, but it never came...

It bounced of the Regal Ring Link had on, and Zelda deflected it with the sword to Cole, who sent it to Link, who sent it to Zelda.

"Sweet!" Zelda exclaimed. "Dead mans volley!"

The sport continued for about five minutes, untill the dark energy ball hit a cucco, causing all the cuccos to attack Cole.

Tori eventually calmed them down.

"Jeez, those things are indestructable..." Cole sighed. "Byrne, new plan. We're taking the girl."

"And which one's the girl?" Byrne asked. "The one in the dress, or the pirate without a suntan?"

(I'm sorry, but it had to be done...)

"It's a tunic..." The prince cried.

"The pirate, the pirate!" Cole sighed.

"Link, Do what great great grumpy pa would do in this situation!"

A ghost resembling the prince suddenly appeared. "In this situation, I would let Zelda get kiddnapped to advance the plot so I could get a kickass sword, but try to act like you're trying to protect your sister..." He paused. "OH MY CYCLOS, ZELDAS YOUR SISTER! PROTECT YOUR BABY SISTER AT ALL COSTS!"

It was clear that the ghost was conflicted on the topic.

"Great great grumpy pa?!" Link gasped, totally ignoring the fact that Byrne was coming up right behind-

"LINK JUNIOR, PAY ATTENTION!" Link senior yelled.

Link junior was knocked out by the warrior.

"So... You're the Link that founded Hyrule?" Zelda asked.

"What are you doing with that blade?" Link senior asked, floating upside-down, defying gravity, like ghosts do.

Zelda did not get to answer, cause she was blasted with an energy ball. She fainted, then a ghostly mana ball flew out of her body.

"SHIIIIII...TAKE MUSHROOMS!" Link senior screamed.

The ghostly mana ball flew to the castle quickly, for some reason.

Link senior flew to the castle, to see if what he saw was really what he thought it was.

Link junior just lie there, unconcious, as Byrne picked up the princesses and walked off with the evil leprechaun.

...

Meanwhile... in the castle...

A new recruit, the girl from chapters ago screamed.

"What, what is it child?!" The guard with a bad heart asked. The two were outside, on guard duty in the middle of the night.

The girl pointed to Link seniors ghost, as well as a blue ghostly mana ball.

"I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!" She screamed.

The ghost and mana ball floated far away from the recruit. Apparently, only probable psychics, children, or extreme ADD people could see ghosts. It was hard to tell with the knowledge Link senior had gained so far.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: And the cutscene STILL isn't over yet!**

 **Toonie Sama: *Playing sax***

 **Pirate princess: I give up, keep the saxaphone.**

 **New recruit: There are dead people in the castle! *Cries***

 **Tori: Why's she here?**

 **Grovyle: Because, if she can see ghosts, she's going to get the plot explained to her.**

 **New recruit: Wow, what a purdy saxaphone...**

 **Grovyle: Also... she needs a name...**

 **Prince Link: *Asleep***

 **Toonie Sama: Zelda still won't come out to be in the authors note...**


	7. Music Lessons Plus alternate version

**Grovyle: once this cutscene is over, I swear I will work on blind sight!**

 **Squirtle: Don't lie to us!**

 **Eevee: I really don't feel like being forgotten...**

 **Charmander: Barney is a dinosaur~**

 **Grovyle: *Sighs* Coffee?**

 **Squirtle and Eevee: *Nods* Coffee...**

 **Toonie Sama: The eevee is adorable!**

 **Squirtle: No he's a-dork-able...**

 **Eevee: I have aaaaaaaall the star trek movies and final fantasy games!**

 **Squirtle: See...**

 ***The three kanto pokemon cause a riot in the authors note***

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter seven: Music lessons**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Oww... The unconsiousness..."

Link started to awaken. Where was he... Wait... this was his room in the castle! How on earth did he get there...

Maybe his whole three years of train training was just a dream, Russel was not the captain of the guards, the evil leprechaun had never existed, and there was no reason to-

Link sat up, checking his pockets. The letter his sister had given him was still there. Unopened, just like he left it.

"Awww turd nuggets..." Link realized. It wasn't a dream...

Zeldas personal unnamed butler walked in. "Thank goodness you're awake prince."

Link looked to his left, where Alfonzo was unconsious on a bed next to his.

"We feared for the worst when a new recruit thought she saw your ghost and another one..."

Link had a guess on who the new recruit he was referring to was...

"But thank goodness we found you and Alfonzo alive..."

Link turned to face the butler.

"Tell me, what happened?" He asked.

Link looked at his shoes, then back at the butler. "Nothing" He lied.

"The two of you were found passed out near a destroyed train. cucco feathers were everywhere, the spirit tracks are gone, and the princess is missing." The butler looked angry. "Don't you tell me it was nothing!"

Link scuffed his boots on the floor. "Well... actually... the chancellor was really a Evil Lightning Leprechaun Goat Demon and he was working with Tori, just as I foreshadowed... And she attacked my train while we were taking sis to the tower of spirits. Somewhere in there was a game of dead mans volley... and then our great great grandfathers ghost haunted us for a while... I got knocked out... and Zelda is probably, most certainly kidnapped..."

The butler started running around in panic. "I must inform the princess!"

He eventually ran into a wall and was knocked out.

Link left abruptly to speak with the previously mentioned new recruit.

He went to the hallway where Captain Russel dwelled.

He shivered, hearing the sound Live Action Role Play, but continued on.

"You're the new recruit I talked to yesterday, right?" The prince of Hyrule asked.

She nodded. "Hey, that's the girls style recruit uniforms!" She pointed. "Must have been out of the other ones, right?"

Link turned a shade of red. This was the girls recruit uniform... No one had told him until now... Link did think it was a little big in the front... (Seriously, it even looks like it in the cutscene where he gets it. either he isn't fed often, or it's a girls uniform)

"A-Anyway... I need to talk to you for a second..." The prince managed to say.

"If it's about all those things being off limits to train engineers, it was a joke Zelda told me to pull and please don't order me to be executed..." She laughed hesitantly.

Link shook his head. "No, no... It's about the ghosts you've seen... Tell me the whole story."

She nodded. "Yes, your highness."

Link sat on a purple cushion. "Story time!" He looked up intently, like a five year old.

"Okay... So there I was, on the outside night shift gaurd duty, around midnight. I was told to help one gaurd with a bad heart, when all of a sudden..."

She made a ghostly noise. "Two ghosts, one looked just like you, and the other had stayed in a blue ball of light... I screamed and they flew off..."

"Where did they go?" Link asked. "Tell me."

"I'll do you one better." She held out her hand. "I'll show you."

She lead link to the princesses room, where two ghosts were chatting.

"Does this mean I'm dead?!" A pirate dressed ghost sat in the air.

"It's not as bad as you think... Te- I mean Zelda..." A ghost who looked like link tried to calm the frantic princess ghost.

"If somethigh isn't done about this... Then... THEN LINK WILL RULE HYRULE!"

Zeldas ghost started hyperventilating in a ghost paper bag.

The other ghost took a moment to peice together what he knew about his decendant. "Oh my Cyclos, Hyrule is doomed..."

"See, SEE?!" The recruit pointed.

The unghostly link looked like he might have peed a little.

"S-sis?!"

The ghost of Zelda floated around. She had stopped hyperventilating.

"You can see me too?" She asked.

Link and the new recruit nodded.

"I'm sorry for bringing you into this..." She sighed, looking to Link. She turned to the recruit. "And for startling you last night on your shift..."

"It's fine. Not your fault..." The recruit dismissed.

Link, however... was rolling around hyperventilating, seeing the ghost of Zeldas pet rat.

"Is... He okay over there...?" The ghost that looked like link asked.

Zeldas ghost facepalmed. "Give him a minute..."

One minute later...

Zelda was monologing again. She seemed to do this a lot...

Link had calmed down, but missed most of her speech. Should he start listening now? Nah, then he'd be totally lost.

Zelda had floated to the top of the room. It was a good thing she wasn't wearing that dress...

She was petting the ghost rats fur.

She sighed. "Recruit, fill him in on the way... I'll wait near the enterance to the path to the tower..." Zelda flew off in a ghostly blue mana ball

...

The recruit explained everything to the prince, while the ex King of new Hyrule went back to wherever he came from.

"You're going to need a sword..." She said, glancing at captain Russels dwelling.

Link shuddered. He didn't want to see Jimmy R. Russel... If he asked to use a sword, he'd get a long winded speech straight out of a live action role play. And who knows how long that'll take...

"'m kidding..." She handed him a sword with a sheath. "Take mine. I'll tell the Cap'n I broke it..."

Link held the smaller sword in his left hand it looked like it was made for him. Link didn't particularly care about that though, He was too busy staring at the beautiful stone on the edge of the handel.

"Shiny..." Link oogled.

"You know how to use a sword, right?" She asked.

Link nodded.

"Okay, just making sure..." She then lead the boy to the gates of hyrule castle.

Link looked confused. "Why are we here?" The prince asked.

"Zelda gave you a pan flute, correct?" She asked as if she wasn't there herself.

"Yes...?" Link answered, holding it up as it floated in the air and a strange tune played.

"She said you were in dire need of lessons." She paused. "Well... she actually said you sucked at playing any and all instruments, except the bagpipes, accordion, and banjo... She said those instruments sucked and said your only real music lesson experience was with a saxophone and even that sucked, She then ranted about you killing her pet rat, said how much that sucked... Aaaaaannnnd... you get the picture..."

Link nodded. "There are two music lesson shops in hyrule... and we can't go to the one in Papuchia, can we..."

Link shuddered, realizing that there was only one option... Kagu and Grovyle music...

The music store was run by two girls who seemed to defy all logic, reason, and laws of physics. They were probably two omniscient entitys who diguised themselves as hu- HYLIANS... For some reason or another. They really like trains, and when one of them expresses it, the other would say "Don't... Hyrule will fall if we use the summons..." They kept talking about who they shipped, whatever that means. That was beside the point. What Link was trying to say was that it was really creepy...

Link slowly walked through the door, hoping that they wouldn't notice him walk in...

The room was dark and eerie.

The girls must not be here... Link could just leave and maybe learn on the way like with his ancestor from the old hyrule that was flooded undersea and the ocarina.

"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't- Wait, where's Zelda?" The one with crazy hair hung upside down from who knows what. "Kagu, we rehearsed this... Zelda was supposed to come with him, I swear..."

The one the other called Kagu started playing a video game that starred the hero of trains. "I think we were looking at the wrong reality... The one where Link was the prince and Zelda was a normal train engineer... or the one where Link broke the phantom sword deflecting the evil energy ball and accidently sent it to Zelda..."

"Yeah... You're probably right..." The first one, probably Grovyle started playing with the fuse box and the lights came back on.

"So, umm... anyway, welcome to Kagu and Grovyle music... You need pan flute lessons?" The one called Kagu asked.

...Three Hours Later...

By the time the prince was done, three doves had dropped dead. Only three. This was an improvement. When he was banned from playing it, the bird death toll may have caused Tori to start attacking random places in hyrule...

"I... Think that was a slight improvement..." Grovyle stood, holding earmuffs behind her back

"Yeah..." Kagu had a matching pair of triforce earmuffs in her back pocket. "Our ears aren't bleeding at all and our eardrums aren't shattered..."

After Link and the unnamed recruit left... The two girls started a jam session with a saxophone and a normal flute. They were playing the Ancient Hero from Windwaker...  
Zelda fangirl much?

...

"Okay, Prince..." The recruit waved. "This is where I leave you... The tower is through a path by that tree..." She pointed. "Use a bomb flower to get rid of it. Got all that?"

Link nodded.

"Okay then, I'll get back doing my job. My shift starts in ten minutes. You go save hyrule..."

The recruit left, as Link blew up every part of the wall.

He... Eventually found it...

When he entered, Zelda was sipping ghost tea out of a ghost teacup. she no longer looked like an extremely pale Tetra. She was wearing a ghostly version of the dress, probably because it looked like it was blue, and her hair was down. She was wearing a fake mustache and a monacle, as well as a top hat. It looked quite comical.

Apparently she was having a tea party with the ghost link, the rat, the ghost of a sailor, Hinawa, Claus, and a certain pirate princess. They were all ghosts.

"Told you guys he'd be late..." The ghost of WW Link said in a sing-song voice. "You guys owe me rupees~"

Princess Zelda, Captain Linebeck the first, the rat, Hinawa, Claus, and Tetra rolled their eyes and forked over 50 rupees each.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Music Lessons...Alternitavely...

Link walked around aimlessly, as the unnamed recruit argued with the owners of Kagu and Grovyle music. They were closed, because apparently the one who calls herself Grovyle had caused a shipping war, and a mob of angry fangirls would attack the two the moment they show their faces in public.

Link had found a mask that looked like an eagle or something and put it on. To his surprise, he started marching, however, instead of playing the Spirit Flute, he sang because of his terrible music skill. He was a great singer though.

He wasn't paying attention to where he was marching and ran into a man who was feeding cuccos.

"Hello, prince." He said in monotone. "Care to help me feed the birds?"

That man was Byrne.

"Bryan?!" Link stepped back.

"HIS NAME IS BYRNE!" Kagu yelled from inside the music shop. She then bolted the door and windows before the angry mob of Zelda fangirls could get inside.

Byrne rolled his eyes. "Relax. I am not here to end you..."

"You killed my sister!" Link yelled, scaring a cucco away. He took off the mask.

"No... I AM your sister..." He said unmonotone for once since his arrival into this fic.

"Starwars fanboy, much?" Link commented. Link had forgotten why he was angry seconds ago.

"I-I'm sorry... we had a star wars marathon at Coles earlier..."

"It's fine." Link told him.

"Anyway, care to help feed the birds?" The warrior asked the engineer again.

Link, being the kind little child he is sometimes agreed, taking a bag of corn, emptying it out in a cucco coop.

Byrne noticed the little instrument on a string atatched to the princes belt.

"Isn't that the Spirit Flute?" Byrne asked. "I was taught to play pan flutes by my old master..."

He gazed at the clouds above.

(Inside the music shop)

"He's acting serious in a parody..." Grovyle said, staring into a magic bubble of some sort "We need to make it more random..."

"Hey, Look what I found in the back room!" Kagu came, holding a tiny toon-shaded deku baba in a flower pot.

"Feed me, Seymore..." The deku baba said.

(Outside again)

"Wait, You can't play the instrument?" Byrne looked shocked. "It's a friggin pan flute! A two year old could play it!"

A two year old was playing a pan flute in the distance, just to prove a point.

"Everyone learns the pan flute in second grade, for crying out loud!" Bryne threw his hands in the air.

"I... May have been sick that day..." Link looked a little embarressed.

Bryne sighed. "I-I'll teach you..."

He whipped out his pan flute.

About an hour passed filled with Byrnes instruction, But at last... Link had learned how to play the instrument without killing eardrums, or scaring birds away.

"Thanks Bryan!" Link smiled, running off to tell Zelda how he could play the Spirit Flute.

"Don't forget to practice whenever you can!" Byrne called.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: Okay, we've established that Hylians only have school from kindergarten to fourth grade.**

 **Toonie Sama: It seems like it might make sense...**

 **Prince Link: The rest of schooling is optional for Hylians.**

 **Grovyle: What do Hylians teach in school, anyway...**

 **Pirate princess: Why in the blazes do you care about Links schooling habits?**

 **Grovyle: It's been bugging me for ages... Random things bug me, DON'T QUESTION MEEE!**

 **Deku Baba: FEED ME, SEYMORE!**

 **Princess Zelda: What is that a reference to?**

 **Prince Link: *Plays the Little Shop Of Horrors on the Spirit Flute***

 **Aryll and Tori: *Clap clap* The seagulls like it!**


	8. Cherry Chuchus

**Grovyle: I'm sorry, I need to update one last chapter of this before my birthday.**

 **Toonie Sama: So... What kind of adventure will you go on for your birthday?**

 **Grovyle: Probably go camping with friends, why?**

 **Toonie Sama: That's lame. I saved a pirate on my birthday, and then went to save my sister, and met a talking boat on my birthday. The next day, I became the waker of winds, became friends with a GOD, and became the hero of the Rito tribe.**

 **Grovyle: You may have the master sword and the phantom sword, But I have something you'll never have!**

 **Toonie Sama: What, a little brother?**

 **Grovyle: Nope. The ability to beat Tetra in a duel. *Holds out a sword called a foil***

 **Toonie Sama: Holy Cyclos grovyle! You're a lefty?!**

 **Grovyle: Yeah...?**

 **Toonie Sama: I'm a lefty too!**

 **Grovyle: I have found my people! *Joins all the links minus SS Link, cause he's right handed***

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit tracks derailed**

 **Chapter eight: Cherry Chuchus**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Link walked through the cave, the ghostly spirit of Zelda followed behind. The other ghosts had left him.

"Zelda, take the monacle, mustache, and hat off..."

"I like them. They make me feel... special..." Zelda refused.

They continued farther.

Zelda started humming cave-ish music from Oracle of Ages.

"It's kinda dark and damp in here..." Link complained. "Are you sure the recruit was right about this leading to the tower of spirits..."

Zelda tried to grab his arm and pull him foreward, but... her hand went right through his.

"The struggle is reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaalllll..." Zelda complained. "Hurry up li- Link?"

Link dodged a keese. Man those things are annoying... He stabbed it and it exploded in a Zelda style fashion.

Link was eating a little heart shaped candy. (So THAAAAT'S how hearts work in the game...)

"Where did you get that?" Zelda asked.

"Enemy drop." Link replied. Apparently, the prince will eat things off the floor...

Link then ran into four chuchus.

"Living gelitan?!" Link looked very enthusiastic about this. "SWEET!"

Link devoured the first. "IT TASTES LIKE CHERRY JELLO!"

Zelda sighed. It was times like this, when body would be nice.

She then wondered if a certain phantom theory might still be at play...

To test it, she chomped the head off a chu chu, or... tried to... she went right through it.

"YES!" Zelda cheered. "I was right! Tastebuds still work! I still have time to try to eat all my favorite foods for hours!"

She then started chanting all her favorite foods, which were mostly candy and desserts.

She didn't notice that Link had devoured the last cherry chuchu.

She threw her hands up dramatically, and in her best impression of Darth Vader, she cried. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo..."

They... Eventually got to the block puzzle, which was fairly easy. Easier than they made it out to be...

"I'm gonna get all sweaty..." Link whined loudly.

"Oh, shut up. You're Link. The hero of this franchise, except in wand of gamaleon and another one... but those aren't cannon and don't count..." Zelda pep talked. "You come from a long line of brave, selfless heroes who weren't afraid to get dirty on their quest to save a princess, Hyrule, the evil moon from falling, get a kick butt sword, wake up from a dream, or save their little sister!"

Link managed to push the block on a switch, opening a door, which had a chest in it.

"It better not have rupees in it." Zelda complained. "Chests with rupees in them are the reason everyone has trust issues..."

Link opened the chest as short music played. A key spun around above his head.

"Link, I appriciate the Hylian pride and all, but is that really necissary?!"

Link grabbbed the Item and used it on a locked door before Zelda could make any more rude remarks.

They went up the stairs.

"MORE CHERRY CHUCHUS!" Link devoured the two chuchus

Zelda gazed at the stone tablets in the room. "Right, top, bottom, left... right, top, bottom, left..." she memorized.

"Treasure chest!" Link cheered, opening it.

He had a red rupee spinning above his head as familiar music played.

Zelda pointed to a wall. "Who put that wall there?"

"Donald Trump."

Zelda facepalmed. "Just... Bomb the thing before this becomes a running gag..."

And so, link picked the bomb flower, and threw it at the wall. It crumpled into ashes.

The two came across some switches in a circle.

"What's the order, Zelly Chan?" He asked, throwing an old annoying nickname in.

"Right, top, bottom, left." She answered slowly.

Link hit the switches in this order.

The door opened and the two went upstairs.

"Zelda...?" Link asked. "Do you hear... squeaking...?"

Purple rats ran out of a hole. They circled the boy.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Link screamed in terror. "HORIBLE NASTY RATS!"

Zelda just floated away to the next room.

"DON'T LEAVE ME ZELDA!"

She kept floating away.

"PLEASE DON'T GET TOO FAR AHEAD OF ME!" He cried.

Zelda ignored him.

"Uh... Notice me, senpai...?" He was getting desperate.

Zelda rolled her eyes. "Link, you have a sword, I suggust you use it..."

Link, realizing he did indeed have a sword, attacked the rats.

"Those beasts were horrifying!" Link cried. "I don't ever want to see them again!"

They continued up the stairs, finding themselves in the light of day.

Link did his best angry cat impression and hissed at the sunlight.

"Come on, Link." Zelda flew over the grass.

Link followed her into a large door.

They were finally there, the Tower of Spirits

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: This was a fun chapter.**

 **Prince Link: CHERRY CHUCHUS!**

 **Toonie Sama: Is... there something wrong with him?**

 **Grovyle: ...sugar high...**

 **Pirate princess: Zelda was wearing a monacle, mustache, and top hat during the whole chapter...**


	9. Screwing with the plot

**girl with crazy hair in a Tetra fashion: *Walks in, singing Ballad of Windfish***

 **Pirate Princess: WHO THE *censored sailor language* ARE YOU AND HOW IS YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT WITHOUT BOBBY PINS OR HAIRSPRAY?!**

 **GWCHIATF: ...I'm grovyle...**

 ***Toonie sama, Aryll, Tori, Prince Link, and Princess Zelda stare aqwardly***

 **Grovyle: My... avatar died in the 20th chapter of blind sight...**

 **All: Oh...**

 **Tetra: HOW DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT?!**

 **Grovyle I dunno... How did you?**

 **Tori: Apparently this story hasn't been around for a month yet and is nearing 500 veiws...**

 **Aryll: Once it does reach 500, same policy as Blind sight.**

 **Grovyle: DIGITAL COOKIES FOR REVIEWERS AT 500 VIEWS!**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter nine: Screwing with the plot**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Look at this..." Zelda floated up to a train statue.

"What if our hands were octoroc tentacles..." Link wondered, staring at his hands.

"...You're an idiot..." Zelda sighed. "LOOK AT THE TRAIN STATUE, ASPERAGUS HEAD!"

"Oh...EMM...GEEEEEEE! that's the Spirit Train!" Link started fangirling, listing random facts.

Naturally, no one listened.

"He's right, you know..." An old woman with pink hair that looked similar to Tetras rolled up on a magical looking segway.

Link looked at the old woman. "Huh... Segways and the elderly... It doesn't seem to mix..."

The old woman gave him a funny look. "I'm sorry, my steam train wheelchair was so... fifty years ago... And the unicycle was so..." She frowned. "...Carben..."

"Who's Caben?" Link asked. He was ignored.

"Are you the towers sage?" Zelda asked.

"Wouldn't put it that way... But I do watch the tower..." The woman nodded. "I'm Anjean, by the way."

"Anjean?" Link laughed. "Is that a pun on engine?"

"Shut up, asparagus head." Zelda gave him a ghostly royal backhand. It wasn't very effective...

Anjean either didn't care, or didn't pay attention.

Zelda floated up to Anjean. "Boy, are we glad to see you!"

Link was trying to do the macarena.

Zelda stared at her little brother and sighed. "Asperagus head..."

She then faced the Tetra wannabe. "There's something we've got to tell you!"

The spirit of Zelda, who never removed the top hat, monacle, or mustache, summed up the entire past few chapters of plot.

"I see..." Anjean nodded."So... Asparagus head, was it? Screwed up, letting the only member of the royal family-"

"HEY!" Link protested. "I'm royalty too!"

"FIT TO RULE die..." She finished. "But I guess this kid would be a better ruler... I mean, Hyrule has been ruled by girls since it was founded, and every single one gets kidnapped..."

"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION OUR MOTIVES!" Zeldas ghost, as well as Tetras ghost pointed and yelled.

"I see the feistyness runs in the family... Deku nut doesn't fall far from the Deku tree..."

"You knew our great great grandparents?" Zelda asked.

"We are LITERALLY right here!" The ghosts of Link and Tetra said in unision.

Anjean nodded. "Yes, I knew them. Green bean actually had no courage to ask the girl to be his wife..."

The ghost of Link turned red. "Oh no..."

Tetra listened in, quite interested.

"So I gave him an invisable teddy bear to hold the whole time."

Links ghost shoved his head into his ghostly hat.

Tetras ghost started laughing. "I always thought that was odd!"

Link, the living one, was running around in the background, crying like grovy- err... a little school girl. He had seen something shiny, but then a rat took it. "Horrible, nasty rats..."

Zeldas spirit was watching Link. "Shut up Asperagus Head."

"Why do you call me Asperagus Head?" Link sobbed.

"Because, you're wearing green, grasshopper is already taken, and cause it's funny."

"WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC!" The hero of winds waved his arms.

everyone suprisingly enough, listened to Anjean speed up the plot.

Link managed to write everything down.

"So, umm... what does my body have to do with ANY of this?" Zelda asked turning upside down.

The two other ghosts covered their eyes because of that dress.

Link had left to go use the bathroom.

"There is a reason... He needs your body to inhabit."

Zelda surprisingly took this news well.

"Why mine?"

"Royal family."

"Why royal family?"

"They are known for being fashionistas."

"Why fashionistas?"

Anjean pulled out a large book written in the gerudo alphabet (As shown in hyrule historia) and flipped among the pages.

"Ah hah! Here! Page 132. At his defeat, Lord Ghirahims final words were _'If there is to be a demon terrorizing a country, they must be Faaaaaaaaaabbuuuuuuulooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssss~~~~~~~'_ "

Zelda nodded, taking it in. "So is that why they wanted to take Asperagus Head at first?"

Anjean nodded. "Most likely."

Link had gotten back from his finding the bathroom adventure.

"So how do I get my body back?"

"Go beat some temples!" Link, the ghost, suggusted, pumping his fist in the air.

Everyone stared silently.

"What, It's what I'd do."

Anjean nodded. "The ghost is right..."

The ghosts and spirit looked confused.

"Greenbean..." Anjean pointed.

"Why do you call me that..." Greenbean sighed.

"He's skinny and wears green." Tetras ghost answered.

"WE'RE GETTING OFF TOPIC!" Zelda complained.

Five minutes of Tetra teasing Greenbean, Zelda hugging her ghost rat, Anjean flapping her gums, and Link napping had passed.

"And so then you'll go up the stairs..."

Zelda nodded. "Kay, thanks, C'mon Li-"

Link was sleeping.

"Anjean... we need you to wake up the prince..."

And so, Anjean went through the waking up the prince routine, as seen in chapter one.

"Come on, Asperagus head." Zelda sighed.

Link followed her up the stairs, shielding his eyes because of that stupid dress...

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: well, that was fun.**

 **Ghirahim: Hello~**

 **Toonie Sama: Why's he here?**

 **Grovyle: He was giving me fashion advice for my homecoming dress...**

 **Ghirahim: DIAMONDS ALL THE WAY!**

 **Prince Link: I can give better fashion advice then that.**

 ***Ghirahim and Prince Link get into a brawl on who the better fashionista is***

 **Grovyle: Umm... I'll just wait until you're done**

 **Aryll: OOH! THAT'S GHIRAHIM! HE'S THE MOST FASHIONABLE PERSON OF ALL TIME!**

 ***all of Hyrule flocks area to get autographs***


	10. What the ships

**Grovyle: HAI! *Checks veiwing stats* WHAT THE ACTUAL FLIP!**

 **Toonie Sama: What?**

 **Grovyle: I CHECKED THIS MORNING AND THIS WENT UP 51 VEIWS IN ONE DAY!**

 **Prince Link: So?**

 **Grovyle: IT TOOK MORE THAN A WHOLE YEAR FOR BLIND SIGHT TO GET 2000 VIEWS, AND THIS IS ALMOST A QUARTER OF THE WAY THERE, AND IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A FULL MONTH YET!**

 **Tori: Seriously guys, she will hand out cookies to people who left a review, 'cept mean ones... mean ones are fed to an ugly Ho-oh named Helmaroc King, that's kinda been a policy forever... soooooo...**

 **Princess Zelda: *crying* I STILL CAN'T EAT THE OREOS ROFLCOPTER GAVE MEEEEEE!**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter ten: Seriously, What the Ships...**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Is it a very uncommon thing to wonder what Byrne, Tori, and the leprechaun are up to?" Link asked.

"I could go check..." The ghost of Tetra volunteered.

And so... she left the three, Asperagus Head, Greenbean, and Zelda unsupervised

Meanwile... at the top of the tower...

"Byrne, can I see that paper for a sec?" Tori asked. The trio were sitting at a table, eating breakfest.

Byrne handed over a newspaper.

"Huh. Thats odd..." She said flipping through pages. "I thought that would be big news..."

"You thought what would be big news?" The leprechaun asked. He hadn't had his coffee this morning.

"Well... There seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological peice..." She said

"A headline regarding awareness of a certain avian variety..." Byrne added.

"What are you talking about...?"

"Oh, have you not heard?" Tori asked. "It was my understanding that everyone had heard..."

"Heard what?" The leprechaun asked.

"BYRNE, DON'T!" could be heard from the music shop in Hyrule castle towns two owners.

Byrne turned on a old record player and surfing bird played loudly throughout the kingdom.

"B-B-B Bird bird bird! B-Bird's the word!" The Rito and warrior rocked out.

The body of Zelda, which was floating, started making noises like an angry cat. She still looked like a pale Tetra, wearing the pirate outfit that Zelda loved so much.

"Demon princess Madallus doesn't like this..." Cole looked scared.

They didn't hear him.

He sighed, putting earbuds in the demon princesses ears. "here, Madallus..."

She/He smiled and started doing a variation of the Caramelldansen. It sucked though, because He/She could only move his/her hands, as it was hard getting used to a new body. He/She was actually listening to some song called "Hungry like Wolfos" It was obvious that Madallus had been in control when choosing the song. Not his/her right side, which had experienced a severe outbreak of I'm a pretty princess who likes jewelry, makeup, and nail polish.

Tetra just stared with a blank expression on her face. This is what they were saving the world from. These were their antagonists. Hey! That was her outfit!

...

"So... Now that she's gone, why not get back at her?" Zelda suggusted.

"What do you mean by that?" The ghost of Link, Greenbean asked.

"Tell us the worst thing she's ever done!" Link, Asperagus Head clarified.

Greenbean floated up, lost in thought (All alone)

"That's a tough one... Her being a pirate means shes done many terrible things..."

Zelda turned around. "We'll wait."

And so... they entered the first real dungeon...

"You've gotta be kidding me!" The ghost of Greenbean glanced around.

There were signs eveywhere. They had every single rule of adventuring, pointed towards keys, and there were no sign of any monster.

"This is a hand holding dungeon!"

Zelda patted Link, the living one, on the back. "Try not to screw this up."

And so... Link did exactly what shouldn't be possible...

He screwed up.

A sign stood before him, so he read it out loud. All was normal...

"Do not, whatsoever mutter these words: _Tingle, Tingle Kooloo-limpah!_ If you do, you will meet with a terrible fate~  
Signed, Dungeon Man" Link muttered.

It was then that purple balls of shadows decended on each floor of the tower, they turned into armored spirits of sorts.

"You had ONE Job!" Zelda cried.

"HOURGLAAAAAAASS!" The ghost link announced. "Wait no... that's not right... PHANTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMSSSSS!"

They all ran away, back down the stairs to Anjean, who was chatting with the ghost of Tetra.

"Hourglass...No, phantom... Upstairs... Tower... Big and... Menacing..." Link fainted.

"My goodness!" Anjean exclamed. "He looks as pale as a ghost..."

"...I see dead people..." Link mumbled on the ground.

The three ghosts stared at her blankly.

"Uh... No offense..." She added quickly.

"How do we get past th-" Zeldas spirit started.

"Phantom sword." The princesses great great grandfather answered.

"How did-"

"Psychic powers."

Zelda nodded.

"Lucas told me back in brawl..." The ghost told the truth.

The three ghosts and Anjean waited for link, the living one who had fainted, to wake up.

Link had his face drawn on in pink pen, courtasy of Anjean, when he did finally stand again.

...

Link followed his great great grandmothers ghost to the train wreckage, where Zelda had dropped the sword.

And it was there where they met... Shi No Tori herself.

"Looking for this, Your highness?" She asked, holding the sword in one hand, a harp in the other.

"Tori, give me the sword..." Link looked unamused.

"No, It's quite nice..." Tori started examining it. "I think I'll keep it..."

The Prince of all hylians charged at his cousin.

Tori put the sword in its scabbard and flew off, laughing. The scabbard wasn't even there, so this confused Link greatly.

Link, unable to stop, ran headfirst into a large lake that was there for some reason.

"I CAN'T SWIM, GREAT GREAT GRANNYMA!" Link screamed. "I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

Tetra just rolled her eyes. "Turn into a boat."

"I... I'm sorry, what?" Link asked.

"Turn into a boat." She repeated. "You have half of the triforce of wisdom. You can do it."

Half of the triforce of wisdom, half of the triforce of courage, and half of the triforce of power on his hand- his sister had the other halves- started glowing.

He too, started glowing.

"What the fri-"

When the light faded, Link was no longer flailing around in the water. Instead, he was a boat. The Prince of Green Badgers, (No, not honey badgers. That's reserved for... someone else...)

Meanwhile...

"What are you doing?" Zelda asked.

"Trying to speed up the plot." Her great great grandfather answered. He was currently trying to possess the tears of light. He was unable to possess them alone though. So instead, with his ghost magic, he moved the three tears of light into a pot and undid any puzzle that was now there because we know that although the prince had the triforce of wisdom, he had extreme close to grovyle level ADHD and ADD. He was smart but... easily distracted...

...

"I am going to abuse this technique to death..." Link just stared.

"Yes, yes..." Tetra remarked. "That's nice."

"So umm... How do I change back...?" He asked hesitantly.

"Good question..." Tetra answered.

About half an hour passed, and Link had finally figured out how to switch back.

The two then walked back to the Tower of Spirits, where they met up with the other ghosts.

...

Zeldas spirit and Links ghost were on the first floor of the dungeon.

"Hey guys, guess what I can-" Link, the prince, looked quite cheerful.

"Learned how to turn into a boat." Link, the ghost, interrupted.

"How did you-" The prince asked.

"Lucas." The ghost answered.

"I can turn into a boat though..." The Prince frowned.

"We can all do that..." The two ghosts answered, demonstrating.

Link became the King of Green Seagulls, whereas Tetra became the Queen of Pirate NeonTetra. (Like, the fish... in the pet store...)

They... eventually got back on the topic of climbing the tower...

"Okay Link, This'll be difficult... More than it should have been..." Zelda patted her brother on the back. "Please try not to screw this up?"

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: Hello people!**

 **Toonie Sama: I am the seagull ki-**

 **Grovyle: If you finish that sentence, I'll get in trouble with Cherry-Sama over Legal issues.**

 **Prince Link: You know... I still want to know what exactly was the worst thing great great grannyma did...**

 **Toonie Sama: I'm debating weather I should share the story about the Windbreaker... Or the Cucco incident...**

 **Pirate princess: Whatever...**

 **Princess Zelda: I HATE THIS DRESS!**

 **Teen girl Madallus: I hate this pirate outfit...**

 **Grovyle: I believe I have started a new thing. Yo Ganon jokes. (Anyone want to come up with some?)**

 **Prince Link: *Points to Toonie Sama* Yo Ganon's so fat that when he stepped out into the light of day, the gods of hyrule decided to put him on a massive water diet.**

 **Toonie Sama: *points to OOT Link* Yo Majoras so fat that when he sat on the moon, it fell.**

 **OOT Link: *Points to FSA Links* Yo Vatii's so stupid, he broke wind.**

 **FSA Links: *In unision, pointing to Toonie Sama* Yo Ganons so ugly that when Jabun saw him, Jabun mistook him for his mother in law and fled his island.**

 **Toonie Sama: *points to Prince Link* Well... Yo Madallus is so... uh... I got nothing...**

 **Cd-i Link: *Pointing to mirror* Yo Link's so stupid that he isn't considered cannon.**

 **The mirror: *Points to Toonie Sama: Yo Ganon's so fat that even his shadow (Phantom Ganon) could squish you.**

 **Grovyle: Okay... Who let Cd-i out of his cage...**


	11. Fullmetal Tracks and Train terrors

**Grovyle: Guys...?**

 **Toonie Sama: *Arguing with tetra* Well maybe if YOU didn't didn't eat the last oreo, we wouldn't be in this mess!**

 **Pirate princess: DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. YOU PIGGED OUT ON ALL THE OTHER ONES!**

 **Teen girl Madallus: *Walks in nomming an oreo***

 ***A whole war breaks out over an oreo***

 **Grovyle: GUYS, WE HAVE OVER 500 VIEWS ALREADY!**

 ***they stare blankly in the destruction they caused***

 **Grovyle: Anyway, we must give out cookies! Cookies for reviewers!**

 ***KaguTheGreat gets a cookie***

 ***ROFLCOPTER gets a cookie***

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit Tracks Derailed**

 **Chapter 11: Fullmetal tracks and Train terrors**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Link, of course, IGNORED the jar with the tears of light, saying that because the jar was in a sacred area, it must be ancient, and therefore, he shouldn't destroy it.

Zelda, of course, in response to this, flew into him, taking control of his body.

"You're hopless!" Zeldas voice echoed inside of Links mind.

"Zelda, Y-you don't have to do this...!" Link pleaded. "I-it's just a jar, you don't need to break it!"

Of course, only links voice could be heard outside of his mind. Links face gave a terrified expression.

"So she really can possess other people..." The ghost of Link stared, scared. Even though this could never happen to him.

"Huh... Does that mean we can do that?" Tetra asked.

"Beats me." He answered, crossing his arms.

They watched as the prince smashed the pottery against his own will.

Zelda left Links body, and he fell to the floor. "Big sis, why would you do such a thing..."

Zelda floated upside-down in front of his face. "Because shut up."

Link stood up slowly and- "OOH!" He scooped up the three tears of light, and did his normal treasure-getting pose.

"These are shiny!" He sang to the tune of the little DA DA DA DAAAAAH! noise.

With that, the Tears of Light suddenly reacted to the sword that the new recruit, the red-headed one, had given him earlier.

The sword started glowing golden.

The prince gasped in awe. "It's so pretty!" He held it like he was about to do a skyward strike, but... that's not a thing now, so he just held it in front of him.

"What does this mean?" He asked the ghost of his great great grandfather.

The Tears of Light were never explained to any of them.

"Uhh..." He thought, "I'll ask Anjean..."

He floated through the bottom of the floor and disappeared.

"What do we do if the Hourglass Phantom comes back?" The current Link asked.

Tetra was searching around the room.

"AHA!" She startled them, as she floated over to a purple, sparkly patch of ground.

"AH!" The royal twins screamed, then realize that it's just their great great grandmothers ghost. Totally normal, nothing weird going on.

"You kids know what this is, right?" The ghost grandma asked.

"Shiny?" Link guessed.

Zelda raised her hand. "Ooh! It's a safe zone, created in case of the phantoms going haywire!"

The ghost put a mark on a chalkboard under Zeldas name. Zelda had many under hers, whilst Link had only five, There were a few other names of people we can only assume to be relatives.

"Great great grannyma, you're keeping track of who's the better decendant!" Link pointed, getting the attention of the phantom...

"INTWUDAW AWLAAAWRT!" The phantom screamed, sounding identicle to Strongmad. (Strongbad, the game you never thought your own mother would own and play while you were asleep as a child)

Link screamed as the thing was scary, and ran to the safe zone. Zelda screamed out of frustration with her idiot brother, And Tetras ghost screamed to make sure the others had succeeded in causing everyone in the sorrounding area to lose all hearing.

When in the safe zone, a ghostly hand reached through the wall and-

The trio screamed again for the same specific reasons.

"GAWRD GAWRD!" The phantom yelled, announcing that he was on guard duty.

"Hey guys, I just learned what the golden teardrops are for!" The hero of winds, whom the ghostly hand belonged to, announced.

 **...**

 **Elsewhere, the two owners of Hyrules music shop gazed into some magic mirrors...**

"Hey Grovyle?" Kagu asked, watching our _heroes_ in her mirror. "What's on your mirror?"

Grovyle pointed at hers, and whatever was on it was paused. "Just some cheesy old cartoons..."

A knock was heard at the door as the two scrambled to hide any evidence of witchcraft.

It was just the new recruit from earlier, as it turns out.

"Hey Sumer..." Grovyle waved.

"Ou yay inally fay ave gay er hay a ay ame nay?" Kagu whispered.

"Es yay." Grovyle whispered back.

The recruit apparently named Sumer took out a clipboard. "Which one of you ordered a train?"

"EEEEEE! It's finally here!" Grovyle squealed, signing the papers on the clipboard. She then bolted out the door, leaving many questions unanswered.

"How in the name of Hylia did she order a train when she spends all her rupees on sketchbooks and chocolate?!" Kagu wondered

 **...**

"And then you can take them out. Just like that." The ghost of a hero explained. "And that's it. That's all you need to do apparently."

The prince nodded and stepped out of the safe zone, and snuck behind the phantom. He then, with a carefully aimed strike, struck the phantom in the back.

"WHAAAT AWRRRE YOU DOOOOWWWIIIINNNNGGGHH!" The phantom turned around and pointed a giant blade at the royal engineer.

Instead of running to the safezone that was less than a foot away, he flopped on the ground.

The heros spirit was flipping out, as Tetra was attempting to hit her head against the wall, forgetting she was a ghost and phased through it each time. Zeldas ghost however...

"I have a sudden unexplainable urge to possess objects and spraypaint them pink!" She yelled, flying into the armor. The green paint on it was suddenly pink and purple...

Prince Link opened his eyes to find a particularly pretty phantom standing before him.

"HEY BRO."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"Link screamed.

"CALM DOWN, IT'S JUST ME..."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

"DON'T LOOK SO SCARED, ASPERIGUS HEAD."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN MOUTH, I'M ZELDA. YOUR SISTER."

By this time, the little prince had passed out from lack of oxygen.

 **...**

 **Meanwhile, at the top of the tower...**

Shi no Tori was playing the harp, very nicely, I might add.

"Hey, COOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She stopped playing it. "COOOOLLLLLLEEEEE! COLE COLE COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Great Ganon, Heathen... What do you want?!" The chancellor exclaimed.

"Hi."

There was an adorable giggle from the Demon Princess Madallus as the evil leprechaun did a hilarious dance of frustration.

"UHG! BRYAN, WHY DO THESE GIRLS LISTEN TO YOU MORE THAN ME!"

"his name's Byrne..." Tori rolled her eyes.

"Byrne..." Madallus repeated slowly.

Byrne was wearing some reading glasses and carfully reading a book titled: _The aspiring villains complete guide to raising obedient super villain children._ Written by Bowser.

"Because I have studied in child psychology." He said in his monotone voice. He held up a certificate from one of the best schools in the known great sea, the Regal Outset Year-round Glorified Braniac Institution for Viliains. (Roy G Biv, as it is abriviated. rainbows...)

"You went to school?!" The evil leprechauns jaw dropped.

 **...**

The royal train engineer finally woke up to three ghosts floating above his head.

"Okay, Lincoln Isaiah Nathdaniel Kornelius the first, are we calm now?" Zelda used his full name.

Lincoln stood up. "Don't use my real name... the fangirls hate it..."

A cricket chirped.

"He has fangirls?!" The one actually named Link asked Tetra.

(Don't hate me...)

"Okay _Link_ , I'm going to possess the phantom armor again... so I need you to remain calm..." Zelda spoke.

Link nodded.

With that, the ghost of his dead sister flew into the armor and it became pink once again.

The ghosts of Tetra and Link sighed. "We're gonna get sued..."

The metal armored disembodied soul of his only sibling suddenly realized. "This is totally like that anime we watched once... Two siblings, ones soul stuck in armor, the other's a blond midget with an irrational fear of m-"

"Zelda, don't make this worse! The fourth wall is sacred here!" Prince Lincoln Isaiah Nathdanial Kornel- Prince Link stopped her.

Zelda realized the error of her ways and started un-subtly referencing it.

"BUT WHAT A DAY... FIRST I LOSE MY BODY, AND NOW MY SOUL IS STUCK IN THIS ARMOR..."

"Zel..." Link sighed.

"HEY, IT'S MISSING SOMETHING..." Zelda noted. "WOULD YOU MIND DRAWING SOMETHING INSIDE?" She asked, removing the helmet.

Link sighed, pulling out a red marker. "Fine..." He drew a very familiar seal.

The ghosts on the other hand were flipping out over the possibility of a lawsuit.

"NOW LET'S GET THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE SO WE CAN GET MY BODY BACK!" Zelda struck a pose.

"Or... we could just go after Chancellor Cole..." Link sighed as he and the sentient hunk of metal opened a huge door.

 **~Floor two~**

Link and Zelda stood on two switches that opened a door. They entered, when suddenly...

"GEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Link started cowering.

"THEY'RE JUST RATS..." Zelda picked them up in her armor.

"Hey, another phantom. Link pointed out. "Except... that one's weird..."

"SOCIAL ACTIVITY!" Zelda walked over the spikes.

"Hello, how goes the patrol?" The other phantom asked in a little kids voice.

"Pretty good, pretty good... Totally not helping a blond midget get up the tower and I'm totally not this midgets sister who got trapped in armor." Zelda stopped speaking in all caps.

"I AM NOT A MIDGET WHO CAN'T REACH THE COUNTERTOPS!" Link uncharictaristiclly screeched from the distance. (Nobody said that you were, Link)

"That sounds like my brother... I've gotta tell Ed about this later..." The strange-looking phantom responded. (AL!)

"By the way, sweet armor."

"Yeah... It costed an arm and a leg though..." (Please don't kill me...)

"Can we pass?" Zelda asked.

"Sure, sure." The odd looking phantom hit a switch behind them and spikes disappeared, allowing the blond midget to walk over.

The duo thanked the phantom and walked up to the next floor.

"I wonder if they tried to transmute someone as well..." Al said quietly.

 **~Third floor~**

Zelda had sadly parted ways with her metal armor. Needless to say, she was busy grieving the loss of being clearly intimidating. (Was she, was she really?)

"Hey Zelda, railmap!" Link smiled, reaching for the- He couldn't reach it, could he...

"Quiet bro, I'm greiving..."

It was then that the weird phantom walked through the door.

"ALPHONSE ELRIC TO THE RESCUE!" He picked up the railmap and gave it to Link.

"We knew it..." The ghosts of Link and Tetra sighed.

The ghosts and Link suddenly disappeared, leaving Al all alone.

 **~Tower of Spirits enterance~**

"What in the?" Zelda asked, returning to her normal inteligence.

"I stole Alex Louis Armstrongs sparkles..." Link was covered in sparkles for some reason, and back to his normal inteligence as well. (Who Is he, you may ask? He's the guy in FMA who won't put on a friggin shirt, and might be half vampire because he sparkles)

"So you've returned..." Anjean nodded.

"I miss my armor..." Zelda was still sad about it...

"Zelda, we're going to sea of trees! Hop in!" Link was in the spirit train which had three phonebooks glued to where he stood. He indeed couldn't reach the countertops by himself.

...

"Ahhh... Driving a train is fun..." Grovyle was driving, as Kagu was blowing the whistle. (The dessert train is so much fun!)

"When did you have time to learn how to drive if your younger than me, and have been in the shop the whole time?"

"It's a pretty easy system. We've got a whistle that we pull, a gearbox with four settings, and a fairly easy remote control cannon. No wonder someone as stupid as his royal highness can operate it..."

Kagu looked up at the strange purple mana ball floating down. "Umm... Grovyle...?!"

"Yeah?"

The train suddenly became an evil looking train.

"NO! MY HARD WORK HAS BECOME A WRECK!"

...

Link and Zelda were currently driving their train out of the tower

"I can't believe we met one of the Elric brothers... And didn't stay longer!" Zelda pouted whilst trying to mimic sitting on top of the train.

"Go complain in the passenger car..." The prince waved his hand dismissively.

"Can't." She answered.

"Why not?"

"Our ancestors are... busy..." She pointed in.

The royal engineers eyes widened, for inside, the two ghosts were sparring. The ghost of Link held a ghostly master sword, as Tetra had a jeweled cutless.

"Nothing inside will be damaged, nor will you... but a newly disembodied spirit can still experience pain appar- HOLY SPIRITS OF GOOD, WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT?!"

She was reffering to the evil looking train heading right for them.

...

"Kags, the controls aren't working..." Grovyle looked pale.

"How would you react to me saying another train is heading this way?" Kagu looked just as pale.

Grovyle started to panic, as did Kagu.

...

"Zelly-Chan, what do we dooooo!" Link cried. "We can't escape because reversing would only take us to the tower and we'd still crash!

"I don't know! You're the one with the liscence! I'm a disembodied spirit!"

"Do you think if we ask the spirits of good really nicely, then our main character status will instantly protect us somehow?" The prince asked.

"Yeah, Let's do that..." Zelda sighed.

...

"Why did you throw my ocarina out the window?!" Kagu looked like she had seen a ghost.

"I'm sorry! I panicked!" Grovyle said defensively.

"That was the ocarina of time! We could've used it!"

"WAAAAHHH! I'M SORRY!"

...

The prince was suddenly pegged in the face with a speeding deus ex ocarina.

"What the..." He stared, getting up.

The world suddenly became a blank void...

"Where am I?" The prince asked. "Sister, ancestors?"

"So you got the ocarina, eh?" A kid in green was sitting on a chair or something. It was hard to tell.

"Spirits of good!" The prince screamed.

"Aww Din, you shouldda seen your face..." The boy laughed, then smirked deviously. "You're kinda short to be my decendants decendant..."

His royal highness had the eyes of Ganon when the comment was made. "We're the same height, you lilly-livered-pig-headed-dwarf!"

"Shut up tiny tot... You need to play the song of time!"

"The what?"

"The one that's been passed down by the royal family? Princess Zelda?"

"Big sis doesn't know that..."

"Oh good Fayore! That ocarina can make the clock reverse! Here's the fingering chart, here's the music sheet, here's the dang instrument, and here is the door!"

He pushed the train engineer back into reality, which included off a cliff apparently...

...

Link stared at the instrument in his hand.

"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!" Zelda rushed him.

...

"Gentlemen, it has been a privilage playing with you tonight..." The girls felt the need to quote Titanic.

The two musicians were playing a cello and violin. The song was called Autumn. (The actual last song played by the Titanics' band)

...

Right as the trains were about to crash, The prince played the song of soaring on accident, causing the royal pains to fly directly past the lost woods, whilst the musicians ended up in an air balloon with every instrument on their train, strangely enough...

...

"KYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA!" Link screamed as he fell through the trees, into brambles, whitch led to twigs, and ultimately smashing into the sanctuary where a Lokomo with a green afro dude with the green afro stared, unblinking. "AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH! IT'S TINGLE! HE'S COME TO DESTROY US ALL WITH FAIRY PO-"

He put on some glasses with rediculously thick lenses. "Your... Royal highness?!"

"I like... trains..."

 **(Outside)**

Zeldas disembodied spirit floated around aimlessly.

It was then that the spirit train dropped gently onto the tracks.

"HOLY HELMAROC!" Zelda flipped out for a second. "That phrase is definately cursed..."

A ghost in green floated out of the train.

"Brother?!" Zelda screamed, then realizing it was the other Link. "Oh. My bad. Sorry Ancestor."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **Alternatively...**

Link was suddenly pegged in the ear with a broken baton.

"Owwww... What the Lorule..." He pulled it out. "Is this how girls get their ears peirced?! They deserve so much more credit! This is painful!"

"Link!" Zelda yelled. "Focus! That's the wind waker! Ballad of the gales! Now!"

She then mimicked waving the baton. "Do what I do." She sang to the tune of the song.

Link waved the baton, and the train was picked up by a cyclone.

The destination was not quite clear though...

"WHERE THE LORULE ARE WE?!" Link screamed from the top of his great great great auntie Arylls house.

Speaking of, the elderly woman stepped out of the house with the current king and queen of Hyrule.

Link knew that if they saw the spirit train crashed in the water, their ancestors, and more importantly Zelda, it was **Game Over...**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: 'Ello! *waves***

 **Toonie Sama: I did nothing this chapter!**

 **Pirate princess: You fought me and lost.**

 **Prince Lincoln: I hate my real naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmme...**

 **Ghost princess: I'm going to get my own set of armor... And I'mma learn a-**

 **Toonie Sama: No more Fullmetal Alchemist jokes!**


	12. pirate party and doomed duet

**Grovyle: Hi, So I realize new years just passed... and I was wondering what your new years resolutions are...**

 **Toonie Sama: To be a pirate again.**

 **Shi No Tori: World domination!**

 **Ghost Princess: To get my body back and find an alchemy stone!**

 **Ganons Ghost: To have my decendant do something significant.**

 **Sumer: To find adventure, explore sunken ruins, and beat my nearly perfect score in take 'em all on.**

 **Pirate Princess: Fight the one-eyed kracken.**

 **Prince Link: to become a hero.**

 **Chibi Kawaii Dark link: To be a significant character!**

 **Grovyle: *Uses jedi mind tricks to make you forget about him***

 **Warning: Chapter contains pirates, and a reference to the BIZZARE SAGA by OneBizzareKai.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Spirit tracks derailed**

 **Chapter 12: Pirate party and A Doomed Duet.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

A small white table with leafy decorations was set up in the middle of the room. Two chairs were taken by his royal highness and the Green Afroed Grandpa Elf (GAGE). They had a somewhat tea party set up, only with soda and various candys.

"Anjean told me ye would drop by, but me didn't think the lass was being so literal..." He sighed.

Link sipped some soda. "Hey, are you the Loki...mmeeee...?" Link started talking to himself, trying to remember what they were called. "Lokamini...no...Lokumokubaaaaaaa... no. Lukeskywalk...no... Lokmomo... Linkaboo... Loramo... Loamah... Leekamooo... Lokakakakakokoko... Linkamibo... lokolalami... Lokalamini... lomo... lolalokakomiamomomeeeemomomomomoaminimomomomomomomomomomeeemie..."

(He's worse than his ancestors ancestor, now isn't that bizzare...)

"Ye can just... call me Gage..." Gage rolled his eyes.

"So is that an acronym for green afroed grandpa elf, or do you mean like pressure gages on trains?" Link asked innocently, as he was chewing on an airhead.

Zelda flew in at the moment Link said something stupid. "I apologize for Link's insensitivity and idiotic behavior!"

"All's fair, me don't mind." Gage laughed. "After all, he reminds me of an old matey, mouth of a sailor that lad..."

The ghost of Pirate Link floated in. "Is someone talking abou-" He stared. "Well, if it isn't Gage, You're older than the Ocean King, ye old salt!"

Gage looked pale, then laughed again. "Captain Windstorm, Scourge of the seven seas. Finally met with Davy Jones' Locker, did ye Swashbuckler?"

The ghost was paler than a ghost. "A dead man tells no tales..."

"Ye seem to be lacking your sailor mouth, Cap'n."

"...Tetra's forbidden me to curse near my decendants."

"These tw-" Gage asked, then realized. "Sink me! What happened here?!"

"It's a looooooonnng story..." Zelda made an annoyed face, as she floated upside down casually, as if this was totally normal.

Link pulled out a concertina (in Link terms, it's a baby hexagon accordion) from who knows where and began playing.

" _Cole be a Rapscallion, with horns and teeth of black._

 _his trickery and trechery, he used behind me back._

 _That scoundrel of the seven seas, Hyrule's under attack._

 _Our only way to halt his plot's to restore the spirit tracks._

 _Our only way to halt his plot's to restore the spirit tracks_." Zelda made up a sea shanty.

"Shiver me timbers... Ye picaroons be quick to learn..." He then whispered to the pirate king, "They really be yer decendants..."

"Aye." The pirate king answered back.

"Anyway... I think Anjean said something about a Lokamo song we needed to learn." Zelda reminded everyone loudly. "Right Li-"

Link had crashed from all the sugar he had moments earlier.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF THE SPIRITS OF GOOD!"

"I'll get my Chaturanga board..." The pirate king sighed as he pulled a chess board from ghost hammerspace. (Chaturanga is the predecesor of chess)

...

"I win again, foo'" Zelda did a Mr. T impression.

Link made a loud yawning sound. "Alright, alright... what did I miss..."  
(I'm starting to notice a pattern he slowly goes from sane to insane, falls asleep, and the cycle repeats... is there actually a word for this?)

Zelda floated over. "So, you see the green haired guy?"

"I'm pretty sure his name is Gage." Link pointed out. "It's kinda rude to call-"

"That's not the point!" She tried to bop him on the head, but her hand just went through his skull.

"Don't do that! It tickles!" Link started laughing. "Aww... now I have a brainfreeze..."

Zelda rolled her eyes. "There's a song you need to play on the spirit flute so the tracks can reach the forest... woodfall... deku tree... forbidden woods... sea of trees... deepwood shrine... Skyveiw... " She realized she didn't know what the temple was actually called. "The green one!"

"Couldn't we just walk though?" Link asked.

"No." Zelda told him.

"But it's less than a mile away." Link pointed to the "Green One" Temple. "And I'm the only one who would be doing any walking."

Zelda inhaled annoyedly "Boi." She paused. "Don't you know that there's a creature more dangerous than a cucco out there? No one has seen it up close and lived. It'll be safer to travel by train."

Link, understanding the power of cuccos from their Shi No Tori encounter, decided it was best to not argue with his older sister. "Okay... Train it is."

 **...moments later...**

Link stood at the top of a tree trunk holding the spirit flute. "What do I play?"

Gage sat in his little magic train design wheelchair thing, as he held a fancy looking cello.

Zelda pulled out a ghostly drumset and kept time. Birds flew away.7uj8i8i

Link gazed at a music piece called _Fairies Aire and Death Waltz._

"And I have to play this." Link stated, not questioning.

"Aye-Aye" Gage nodded

"Everything on it."

"Aye-Aye"

"Even releasing penguins, riding a bicycle, removing cattle from the stage, lighting explosives, tuning a ukulele, and let's not forget the 512'th notes."

"Aye-Ay- What?"

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Grovyle: OMFG!**

 **Toonie sama: Could you not... I was asleep.**

 **Grovyle: WHAT IS THIS?!**

 **Toonie sama: I believe the locals call them stairs.**

 **Grovyle: THEY'RE BEINGS OF DESTRUCTION AFTER ME, THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE! *Trips over stairs* I TOLD YOU!**


End file.
